Shattered Mirror
by Bigby
Summary: Emily and JJ's story told through their eyes, and their experiences during Emily's hiding and subsequent return.   Our Journey's end Chapter VII up.
1. Thoughts of a Dying Agent

Standard disclaimers apply I suppose...cause you know if I owned'em they'd be so married or some such nonsense by now!

A/N: Okay, so I don't write fanfiction for crime shows, especially one like criminal minds, because it's really all about the unsub, and the case (villain of the week) and I'm way to invested in the trappings of personal turmoil in my stories to do a good canon fic justice, however, this whole Emily JJ subtext thing is just killing me with plot bunnies and I hate rabbits….so I decided to write. Right now, this is a pseudo one shot, if I decide that it will be longer then it will most definitely become a WIP…I don't have a beta and so whatever mess you see this in well, I am sorry it's late where I come from…

Thoughts of a Dying Agent

_**"Eerie whispers trapped beneath my pillow you won't let me sleep your memories I know you're in this room"**_

_**Thoughts of a Dying Atheist, Muse**_

Chapter One: What was Rule #1 Again?

Rule 1: Only let them know what they need to know

Rule 2: An arm's length away is to close

Rule 3: Remember Rule number 1

There are things that one must have in order to be successful in life. In no specific order here are a few of these things; integrity, respect, dignity, grace, love, affection and the determination to overcome any and every fucked up thing that may or may not transpire.

Often times you catch yourself wondering if you possess these things, and you realize that sadly you do not.

There is this quote you can't remember who it's by or how it really goes, but you remember it being something like; "God give me the strength to change what I can and the courage to face what I can't and the wisdom to separate the two"

Well princess God isn't here and the universe is laughing at your misfortune. You long for the days when you biggest worry was if you were going to fit in with the team, nearly five years later you assure yourself that you indeed do fit in with this team that you use as a surrogate for a family and that you would do anything in your power to protect them. And you did, you did everything you could to make sure no harm befell them.

Then again it was _because_ you made them your family that they became chess pieces in Ian Doyle's game with you as his opponent. Some nights you sit and wonder if this is really what he wanted in the first place.

He had said that we would take away the only thing that mattered to you, that being your life. And for all intents and purposes he has. You live anonymously with no identity and no real place in the world…

And that's dangerous for you isn't it? Because identity, well that's not something you're very familiar with. Identity, you almost scoff at the word, how long did it take you to create your 'own' identity; As a teenager in Rome, as an adult in DC…?

On the good side you can't lose yourself if you never really knew yourself, the only problem is; there is another human being out there in the universe that knows you, all of you. You wish she didn't, sometimes you think that Garcia is right everything does happen for a reason.

Not seconds after Jennifer Jareau wished you good luck, you wish she hadn't. But she knew better than to say anything more to you,

You remember the day she left the team. Your fear had nothing to do with th fact that you wouldn't be seeing her at work every day, oh no. You were afraid of what she might lean about you. All the naughty little secrets you kept from your team, your 'family' would soon be privy to those beautiful eyes.

You almost considered telling her before she left. Instead you let her sleep; her soft breathing lulling you into the only real restful sleep you would be getting for a long, long time.

And at this moment; eighteen months six days and four hours from the moment that she walked away from you. Leaving you at that little café in Paris, you hate her. You hate her because she loved you back, you hate her because she put ideas of a future together in your head, but you hate yourself most because you let her know you,

And what was rule number one again?

Oh, right only let them know what they need to know…

A/N: So there it is, I'm not gonna lie this is a WIP so I will update what i can when i can...tell me what you think, Reviews make my world go 'round...


	2. Turning Agents

A/N: So as you can see my take so far isn't all that traditional, but I hope you've decided to join me for the ride, I would love to have you. Now hopefully I've done a good enough job so as not to confuse you but if ever you are confused just ask and I shall clarify to the best of my ability….let's get on with it shall we?

Turning Agents

**_"Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour, standing on my own two feet" Turning Tables, Adele_**

She was tired, she could feel the exhaustion seep through her pours and rest on her skin making her shiver. Blonde head resting on her left hand as the pen in her right floated across the report she was writing.

She slowly rubbed the top of her foot along her calf as she read and re-read each line making sure it was spelt correctly and that her 'T's were crossed and her I's were dotted…

She may have been exhausted but sometimes there were times she relished these moments, where she could hide behind her big desk at the pentagon take off her heels and pour herself into report after report.

It was better than thinking of 'her' right?

No, that would make her a coward, the best thing she could do was to face the situation she was in.

She had no idea who Emily Prentiss really was, and up until nearly three years ago she thought she had.

Jennifer Jareau was many things, stubborn, athlete, friend, daughter, coffee addict, stupid however was not one of these things, and yet how could she have been so stupid, so naïve as to think that she could possibly begin to know a woman like Emily Prentiss?

Two years ago, JJ had learned an awful lot about the love of her life.

It was true that at the time, the people on her previous team knew little to nothing about the woman's past. Just that her parents were career politicians and that she hated politics thusly.

And of course what Emily herself had shared, she knew several languages, grew up over seas and loved Kurt Vonnegut.

That is what the team knew.

What they didn't know?

Emily suffered from severe night terrors, which often lead to weeks of insomnia; it was a blessing for JJ to get Emily to at least nap on the weekends.

Second, Emily had a dark side. JJ found this out by accident.

_The night they had come home from Milwaukee, Emily had made a beeline for her Lexus and was stunned to find that JJ had beaten her there._

"_I can drive myself home Jareau" _

_They stood toe to toe, JJ's eyes glowed an azure liquid fire like hell she was going to let her drive herself home. She had a concussion and they still needed to talk._

"_Please?"_

_It was said almost pleadingly, as if to say, "Don't you understand I don't deserve your concern?"_

_JJ's eyes hardened and she turned on her heel and walked to her own car, this wasn't about her it was about Emily._

_Two hours later as Emily stood taking in her view of the Capitol City, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as she could almost feel someone coming._

_Her much ingrained training kicked in as she braced herself behind her front door and waited for whoever was trying to get in to creep in slowly._

_She didn't register the blonde hair or JJ's soft voice calling out to her. In a flash of practiced speed, Emily had JJ by the throat and up against the door in seconds. Her eyes dark and wild, her fingers squeezed slightly around the smaller woman's throat_

"_What are you doing?"_

_She growled. _

_JJ flinched back her eyes shut in fear for a second before she regained her composure and shoved the profiler off of her._

_Emily stumbled back slightly her eyes finally focusing taking in just who had come through the door. Immediately her eyes were full of apology, she hadn't known…_

_JJ held a hand to her sore throat, she was sure it would be bruised not too long from now._

"_What am I doing? What are you doing, what the fuck Em? You could have killed me!"_

_Emily shrank away from the yelling woman and looked at the ground. JJ could see the regret on her face the confusion in her brow, and then that look._

_The look of complete and utter despair and hopelessness that came from being so God damn lost all the time._

_Jennifer Jareau hated that look; she especially hated seeing it on Emily._

_Because it never completely went away, she saw it in ever ceased brow and heard it in her voice every time Emily reprimanded herself, which was a lot. _

_It didn't take a profiler to know that there was something severely wrong with Emily Prentiss_

_JJ took slow tentative steps as she would towards a spooked child and slowly lifted Emily's chin so her eyes were level with hers. She saw those dark eyes flicker towards the angry bruises on her neck._

_Emily lifted shaking hands and let her fingers lightly trace over the damage she had done. She loved this woman; there was no doubt about that. Did she love her enough to let her into her world?_

_Her world wasn't about love however so no; today would not be the day that Jennifer Jareau would learn about Emily Prentiss' past, although she was starting to wonder.  
><em>

From the sleepless nights and the violent outbursts to the quiet almost trance like states Emily would slip into if she thought she could get away with it, and even when she thought she couldn't.

Sometimes she just couldn't help it.

She saw the blood and heard the cries the begging for mercy, she did awful things and she deserved her punishment.

JJ sighed and sat back in her chair her hand coming to rest lightly over her throat, Emily spent the night apologising with words and without for her transgression.

JJ couldn't help but think she was sorry for more than just what had happened that night.

They never did get to talk about Emily's resignation. They simply kissed made up and moved on.

A sad smile graced JJ's lips as she thought of the first day she met Emily Prentiss, she was having such a shitty morning.

_She had already spent two hours on the phone with a harried detective who had requested the BAU three months ago, back then he only had three victims, now he was up to six. And to top it all off there seemed to be a tit for tat game going on between two unsubs like siblings._

_JJ hung up the phone and took a deep breath, she knew she wasn't the one pulling the trigger or strangling these women but if she had taken on the case three months ago could it have made a difference? _

_She closed her eyes against the crushing guilt and walked to Hotch's office, she slowed when she heard talking come from the open door._

"_There's been a mistake"_

"_I don't think so sir..."_

"_No, there's definitely been a mistake..."_

_She could hear the woman's voice almost fearful, laced with confusion, this was about to get ugly, JJ decided to step in and save her boss._

_She caught a quick glimpse of auburn hair and expressive eyes, she tried not to let her gaze linger on the stranger's full lips, she was on a mission after all._

"_Oh excuse me but we're getting started" _

_JJ turned on her heel and quickly walked to the conference room. _

_Four days and a dramatic close to two very long cases later JJ was sat behind her desk, her shoes off, running the top of her foot along her calf as she wrote notes and stuck them to a case file and placed it on the pile marked "Derek" _

_She looked up when she heard a timid knock and an almost immediate apology at disturbing her during her work._

_JJ looked up to see deep eyes and full lips yet again, with a warm smile she greeted the stranger,_

"_Hi...how can I help you?"_

"_Um, I was looking for building management?"_

"_At eleven thirty in the evening?" _

_JJ saw a rose tint over pale cheeks and felt her heart beat a little harder when the woman in front of her pulled her bottom lip between her teeth._

"_Oh, is it that late? I thought...well I guess I didn't think..."_

'_Hey, it's okay; I'm Jennifer Jareau, JJ the communications liaison for the BAU,"_

_She stood and held her hand out to the other woman, who shifted her box of belongings to her right arm and shook JJ's hand firmly,_

"_Emily, Prentiss nice to meet you, I'm new"_

"_New, to the unit or the FBI?" The blonde joked and once again a blush appeared across Emily's cheeks as she tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth,_

_I really wish she would stop doing that! JJ screamed in her head. _

"_The unit, "_

_There was a beat of silence when JJ spoke,_

"_Well Emily, since it's so late building management isn't here, but I don't see why you can't keep your stuff in here until tomorrow, we're going to need to go over procedure and protocol anyways before we can have you travelling with the team so..."_

_JJ gestured to a corner of her office that was empty and gestured for Emily to put her stuff there._

_Emily did as requested; she thought she might have jumped off the Washington monument if Jennifer had asked her to._

_There was no doubt Jennifer was a beautiful woman, she had sun kissed skin, and a gentle air about her. But it was her eyes that caught Emily off guard the most, they were a deep expressive blue. These two azure orbs just brimming with life._

_And she had caught them gazing down at her lips more than once, she was pulled from her thoughts by the realisation that Jennifer was talking to her._

"_And you haven't heard a single thing I've said have you?" _

_Emily blinked at JJ in confusion,_

"_I'm sorry what did you say?"_

_There was no tinge of rose over her cheeks, this time it was a full on crimson blush and not just on her!_

_JJ was blushing as well. Both women cleared their throats and decided to move on, JJ first by scheduling a time they coul go over the procedures and protocols necessary._

"_So I get here pretty early if you wanted to meet me here we can get a head start before the briefing at ten?" _

_Emily nodded mutely,_

"_How does seven am sound?"_

_Another mute nod from Emily and with a timid wave she was gone, JJ un-ashamedly let her eyes follow Emily's ass on the way out._

_That night each woman went home and found that they could not sleep a wink, JJ's nervousness over spending time with this attractive new profiler had her stomach in knots. _

_It had been so long since she had felt this sort of attraction to anyone, and fuck her life for having it be a co-worker._

_Emily lie awake her hands behind her bed dreading to notion of sleep, if it wasn't necessary for survival Emily thought she would forego the act all together._

_It was a nice change though, instead of a sleepless night spent trying to forget blood and death and hoping in vain to remember who she was, she was spending a sleepless night thinking of hair spun from gold silk and indigo eyes._

_Six thirty the following morning found JJ in her office going over procedures and protocols that although she knew, she hadn't had to read in nearly three years. She stifled a yawn and looked into her empty coffee cup; it was time for a refill._

_She slipped on her heels and walked to the break room, a walk she did with her eyes half closed, meaning she didn't notice Emily already standing at the coffee machine brewing a new pot, since JJ had already finished the first pot she put on when she arrived._

_Reaching blindly she was met with the solid mass of Emily's forearm. Her eyes flew open and she caught the bemused look on Emily's face,_

"_Morning, agent Jareau, did you sleep here?"_

_JJ blushed and shook her head, "No, and JJ is fine"_

_Emily nodded gesturing for JJ's mug so she could fill it._

_JJ handed over her mug and smiled an appreciative smile as Emily returned her mug to her._

"_So, should we get started?"_

_Emily seemed eager which was good but God JJ wished she would stop tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth like that._

_Emily again noticed JJ's eyes flicker down to her lips and smiled internally at that, she followed JJ out of the break area and up to her office, getting a much appreciated view of the media liaison's ass, and if Emily didn't know any better JJ was teasing her._

_She wouldn't do that to someone she just met right, a co-worker none the less?_

_JJ sat in one of two chairs in front of her desk and gesture for Emily to sit next to her in the other one. She did so and tried not to blush as their knees touched, this wasn't primary school for crying out loud!_

_They got through half of what they had set out for them when ten o'clock rolled around. As everyone poured into the conference room and made their introductions JJ couldn't help the small smirk she gave Emily when she mentioned that they already met._

_Coming home from Guantanamo Emily was wearily packing up for the night, she had never enjoyed flying it was tiresome and something about being hundreds of thousands of kilometres up in the air just got under her skin._

_The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end when she heard the approach of someone behind her, she deduced from the sound of the footsteps the person was in no hurry almost avoiding their destination,_

_Emily turned around and was face to face with JJ, _

"_Jenni...JJ hi"_

"_Hey I heard you did well over there, I'm glad for you"_

_JJ felt lame, she merely thought of the first excuse she could to come over to Emily's desk and strike up a conversation._

"_Really I was just doing my job..."_

_JJ nodded emphatically and smiled, her eyes travelled over Emily, taking her in completely and steeling her courage for her next words, _

"_Did you, want to...get a drink, with me?"_

_Emily looked into JJ's eyes she was starting to become obsessed with them._

_And saw the real meaning behind the friendly invitation, Jennifer's eyes clearly stated that this was no drink between co-workers; this was a drink between two consensual adults who were undeniably attracted to each other._

"_I...sure" Emily stutters out with a smile and they both leave together light conversation flowing easily between them._

_They chose a small pub with an all night kitchen and this is where Emily learned of JJ's unnatural obsession with darts. After watching Jennifer thoroughly trounce one opponent after another _

_Emily decided to challenge her companion; Jennifer fixed her with a gaze and gave her a playful wink,_

"_You really wanna go there Prentiss?"_

_The two stood facing each other Emily's head tilted slightly downwards towards Jennifer's in a playful smirk, her eyes trailing over the young woman's lips and up to her eyes. _

_Jennifer breathed the other woman in just slightly before she turned around and took a long pull from her beer,_

"_Fine then double or nothing says you lose by ten"_

_Jennifer smiles at her widely and Emily shakes her head in disagreement,_

"_I say you lose by ten, and if you do..."_

_Emily threw caution to the wind and brought her lips to Jennifer's ear, _

"_I get to kiss you"_

_Jennifer's eyes darkened and she nodded slowly,_

_Jennifer lost on purpose._

_And as they were saying their good nights by their car's Jennifer feeling a little put out that Emily had yet to collect on their bet, she found herself pressed up against her car, soft lips on hers, strong fingers gripping her hips._

_She responded to the kiss urgently and just as quickly as it had started it ended. With a final kiss to her lips Emily bid the young woman good night and left a stunned Jennifer Jareau to ponder what had just happened.  
><em>

That all seemed so long ago now, their first kiss_.  
><em>

JJ packed up for the night and headed home she had avoided it long enough she checked her watch, it was a little after seven. She ran her fingers through her hair and locked up her office heading out to her car she gave herself one last look in the rear view mirror before she started her journey home.

She pulled up to the three bedroom home with a heavy sigh. Her eyes closed against the tears that threatened to fall and she told herself that she would not cry.

She would not cry...

_Jennifer let herself into Emily's apartment, it had been a long day and all she wanted to do was relax in a hot bath and maybe get lucky._

_The drive from Annapolis had been long not to mention the drive from Quantico to DC. Her eyes closed at the smell of something cooking and she smiled at Emily as she entered the kitchen,_

_Emily looked up from the stove with her big brown eyes and gorgeous smile and walked straight to Jennifer enveloping her into a hug._

_Jennifer buried her face in the crook of Emily's neck and breathed in deeply they nearly lost a member of their team today and it could have just as easily been Emily._

"_Hey, Spence is going to be just fine" _

_JJ pulled away and smiled a watery smile at Emily. Emily smiled back and kissed her for all she was worth._

_Emily rested her forehead against JJ's and rubbed her hands up and down JJ's arms lovingly,_

"_Why don't you run a bath, I'll be up in a minute."_

_JJ nodded and walked upstairs watching Emily watch her as she walked away. In the bath, the two sat with Emily's arms wrapped around JJ in the large antique claw foot bathtub. _

_Emily's lips resting on JJ's temple.  
><em>

"_Em, can we talk?"_

"_Of course what about?" _

"_Who is Ian?"_

"_Ian who?"_

_Emily had busied herself with trailing wet kisses up and down the column of JJ's throat, _

_JJ groaned when Emily's right hand had started to massage her left beast but she managed to stay on topic,_

"_I don't know you say his name in your sleep sometimes"_

_Emily's actions faltered slightly but she stayed her ground working Jennifer into a frenzy their conversation forgotten.  
><em>

JJ wiped her eyes at the memory of the first time she had ever mentioned Ian Doyle, it was also the night the couple had decided to buy a house together, the house that she was walking into. She looked around and felt a shiver go through her...finally allowing herself her reprieve from the tears that threatened to fall every moment of everyday...and fall they did...

It wasn't supposed to be like this...

A/N:Okay chapter two. I really struggled with this chapter because of the time line I was trying to establish, I was trying to do it in order, of the episodes but then I realized that would be ridiculous because as human beings our memories do not occur in chronological order, you remember what you remember when you remember..So reviews make my world go round, and all you lurkers out there type something pretty for me will you?

PS:OH! And just because I'm a funny one, can anyone tell me what two song titles the titles of my chapters are a play on? You get it right I send you a little present...catch? You gotta get them both right!


	3. Shelter

A/N: Well hello there! Just wanted to thank all of the wonderful reviewers out there, and the lurks too, so chapter three, everyone having fun? Did you remember to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times? No? Good! On with the show!

Shelter

_**"I guess you don't need it, I guess you don't want me to repeat it, but everything I have to give I'll give to you" Shelter, Ray Lamontagne.**_

Emily awoke with a start, the swishing of tires on the street below made her aware that it had rained, then again it was winter time in London, and it always rained.

She had hoped to take JJ here one day, take in the sights and sounds. She had spent some time here as a child, her childhood although a joke to be called that seemed like a distant memory now.

Sometimes she thought that her life wasn't her life, that it was happening to someone else, and she was just the understudy.

But every time she stood in front of the bathroom mirror after a shower and took in the harsh lines of the four leaf clover branded into her skin she knew, that this indeed had happened to her.

She spotted a small film canister and was immediately taken to the case in Chicago her first year with the BAU.

She picked it up and twirled it in her fingers as she sat on the dingy couch in the hole in the wall she called home,

_Emily stepped off the elevator and onto the floor of the BAU. No sooner had she done so, she was pelted on the head by..._

"_Ah, ow what was that?"_

"_Don't you recognize a rocket when you see one?"_

_Garcia beamed at her and Reid just looked embarrassed, Emily caught the tail end of his apology with "physics law" and she suddenly was all ears,_

"_Ooh, show me!"_

_Her eyes connected with JJ's and they shared a smile, they hadn't had the chance to really talk about their kiss all those weeks ago, case files and consults had gotten in the way not to mention the scrutiny she had come under after the case in DC the month before._

_It hadn't stopped them from exchanging subtle touches to the shoulder or intense glances when they thought the other wasn't looking._

_JJ still wished Emily would stop biting her bottom lip the way she did, it was getting harder to focus around her when she did that._

_The three of them watched in anticipation for Reid's rocket to take off, and looked more than sheepish when Hotch had caught them._

_Emily asked in passing where Derek was and was told that he was in Chicago..._

_Jennifer announced that today was a paper work day and that once everyone was finished they were free to go._

_Around lunch time Emily was getting restless she glanced up at JJ's office and was just in time to see the blonde head turn away from the window. Emily smirked and made her way to the blonde's office._

_Emily gave a small knock..._

"_Hey..."_

"_Hey, sorry..."_

"_For what, staring or getting caught?"_

_JJ blushed and said,_

"_Look I know we haven't spoken much about what ever 'this' is"_

_She gestured between the two of them with her hand._

_Emily simply nodded and let JJ continue._

"_But, I like you, I think...I mean I'm attracted to you"_

_She said in frustration and ran her fingers through her hair._

_Emily just smiled wide and sat in front of her,_

"_How about dinner? Nothing fancy, we can just get to know each other."_

_JJ nodded emphatically, and smiled._

"_Dinner sounds great, tonight around eight?"_

_They never got to dinner; instead they ended up in Chicago trying to save Derek from a detective with severe tunnel vision and a chip on his shoulder in the shape of Derek Morgan._

_Later, after Derek had been released and they had flown back to Quantico JJ heard a knock at her office door; she opened it and was met with a bouquet of flowers._

"_How about that date" _

_Emily had a wicked grin across her face. JJ simply took the flowers from her and pulled her into a quick kiss._

_Even without definition there was something so right about the pair. They found themselves at a small out of the way restaurant in Quantico, cheesy red candles in green glass bottles quiet in house band and a little dance floor.._

_Emily's mind had travelled far away, fear suddenly gripping her heart. _

'_What do you think you're doing Prentiss? Are you mad? You can't date this woman; she works with you, what if she gets too close? She's too innocent she can't possibly know, couldn't possibly understand all the things you've done.'_

_If Chicago had taught her anything it was that a team could not function without trust, could she trust this woman, did she want to?_

_JJ saw the intense battle in the profiler's eyes. _

_A delicate touch to her hand brought her out of her head,_

"_Where did you go?"_

_JJ's cobalt eyes filled with concern, JJ could feel there was something going on in that head of Emily's and the look in her eyes filled her with concern, JJ had seen that look before during their last case in DC involving the murdered prostitutes and it became the look that JJ despised._

_Not only did it carry guilt, but it carried a self loathing that JJ had never seen before..._

_In anyone._

_Dinner was finished amongst quiet conversation as JJ rattled on about growing up in a small town and the pressures of rural life._

_Emily was content to look into Jennifer's eyes and listen until she either went deaf or Jennifer lost her voice._

_And every time Jennifer tried to sway the conversation towards Emily, Emily simply answered with non committal phrases and practiced lines she had on hand for these types of situations._

_Then again Jennifer wasn't a mark, she was a woman, trying to forge some sort of, something with her...why couldn't she just let her?_

_Oh, right, she used to kill people for a living...and sometimes there were times when she had been undercover for so long she forgot where her reality ended and her lies began..._

_Later as Emily walked JJ to her car the two exchanged brief hugs and chaste kisses were placed upon eager lips._

_Jennifer beamed happily at Emily as she got into the driver's side of her car and Emily shut the door for her giving her a little wave as she drove off._

_Emily walked the short steps to her own vehicle and got into the driver's side, she placed her hands on the steering wheel and gripped it until her knuckles turned white..._

'_What are you doing Prentiss?'_

Emily sighed and tossed the film canister into some obscure corner of the bachelor apartment.

She hadn't known what she was doing then. All she knew was that she was very attracted to Jennifer Jareau. And it didn't hurt that the Liaison was attracted to her right back.

She remembered going home that night and writing everything she could down about the blonde.

It was her way of letting it go, she knew better than to get involved, and the naked concern that she saw in the blue eyes scared the shit out of her.

No that simply just would not do...

So she steeled herself against whatever it was she could feel and started to systematically shut the younger woman out.

It was easy at first, Emily thought of Jennifer not as Jennifer, but as JJ, the media liaison the colleague.

She shut down eye contact whenever she could, and closed herself off physically.

She saw the frustration in the young woman's eyes,

'What did I do wrong?"

At first Emily hated seeing the expressive eyes filled with hurt, JJ took Emily's demeanour as regret, in reality it was just plain old cowardice, and Emily Prentiss was a coward.

JJ had finally stopped trying and it seemed as though life got on as normal, they would never talk of their almost relationship and carry on as two colleagues who were on their way to becoming friends.

Until Georgia.

_Emily remembered registering only one thing as they pulled up to the ill kept Henkel home,_

_Terror_

_Thoughts of a dead and bloody Jennifer and Reid flashed through her mind and she said a silent prayer that they were okay. _

_She fooled herself into thinking her heart was beating so hard it was in danger of cracking her ribs because her co workers were in trouble._

_A sigh of relief tore its way through Emily when she heard and then saw JJ. _

_JJ's eyes were wild with fear and panic her academy training kicked in and she levelled her gun at the deputy's that approached her._

_JJ was in shock, she barely heard Morgan talking to her as she tried to holster her side arm faltering slightly her hands still shaking; she ignored the pain in her left forearm._

_And then she heard the most amazing voice right then, it cut through the din like lightening, the strong affirmation of something solid beneath her feet._

_Emily._

"_JJ, look at me, look at me where's Reid"_

"_Uh, we split up he said he was gonna go around back"_

_JJ watched as Morgan took off and she was left alone with Emily; Emily who over the past month had barely been able to look at her, but was now unable to tear her eyes away from the blonde._

_Emily took a few steps forward as she saw JJ begin to sway as the adrenaline started to dissipate from her system and she caught her as she stumbled forward._

"_Whoa, okay, it's okay"_

_Emily had her arms wrapped securely around the other woman and helped her to the awaiting paramedic._

_Emily checked the barn thoroughly for any sign of Reid, no luck._

_Her mind kept racing 'what if it were Jennifer who was missing?'_

_She jogged back to JJ who was being treated for shock and spoke to the Sherriff about Reid briefly._

"_He won't get far"_

"_We can't find Reid?"_

"_Not yet"_

_Emily's voice sounded too practiced even to her own ears, JJ's eyes hid nothing of her concern, her guilt._

_After she was patched up fervently denying being taken to the hospital, she hopped down from the back of the ambulance and walked to one of the federal SUV's that was parked relatively off side to the commotion going on around her._

_She needed to be alone, she hated the looks she was getting from the rest of her team, she felt their eyes were screaming at her with blame, in reality it was just pure concern, for both Reid and herself._

_Her guilt would not allow her to be convinced of this._

_She sat on the tailgate and for what must have been the fiftieth time that night ran her tired fingers through her hair, burying her face in her hands. _

_She felt the tailgate sag with the added weight of another body and she looked to her left, there, she saw the deepest, soulful brown eyes she had ever seen._

"_So it takes a girl nearly getting eaten by dogs for you to look her in the eye huh?"_

_Emily had the decency to look sheepish at that, she placed an arm around the woman she was quickly becoming enamoured with and she said not a word as Jennifer rested her head on Emily's shoulder and cried silent tears for Reid's safe return._

_No one had slept that night and there had been so much to sift through of Henkel's life that by midnight the next night, having not slept in over twenty four hours, and still over run by guilt JJ needed some time alone._

_She checked her arm, and made sure it was clean. Leaning against the porcelain of the sink, she closed her eyes against the exhaustion, and then she heard it before she saw it, the growling from behind her, she looked into the mirror, and saw feral eyes glowing back at her, _

_She reached for her gun..._

"_Hey, hey, hey JJ it's me are you alright?"_

_Emily's voice came out a little harsher than she had wanted, but the woman had nearly just shot her!_

"_Uh yeah, um I'm sorry, you scared me"_

_JJ tried to desperately clip her gun onto her hip, distracted by those big brown eyes._

_They were still full of concern,_

"_I'm sorry"_

_JJ could barely look at her she was ashamed at what she had let happen to Reid, _

_Emily offered her a slight reprieve from the congested house and she took it. _

_As she watched Emily turn away, a thought occurred to her,_

"_Emily"_

"_Yeah"_

"_How come none of this gets to you?"_

"_What d'you mean?"_

"_You came off a desk job now suddenly you're in the field surrounded by mutilated bodies and...You don't even flinch"_

_Emily wondered at that moment if JJ knew more than she was letting on, or, maybe she was just amazed that Emily, was seemingly unaffected by everything around her in her new post _

'_Because she was able to compartmentalize better than most people.'_

_And if Hotch knew more than what he was letting on too she didn't know._

The truth?

There was no desk job in the mid west. She had been given mandatory time off following her psych evaluation after the Doyle case.

Something about becoming absorbed by the cover she had assumed...

So following a year out of the field she wound up in the BAU, Strauss never knowing what she had really been up tobefore her time in the BAU.

Emily remembered seeing JJ struggle with her identity as an agent in that moment. Up until then she had been pretty comfortable in her role with the team, and her abilities as an agent.

Georgia changed all of that.

And Emily was right there to pick up those pieces;

_Emily had driven JJ home when they had flown back to Quantico, not being able to drive because of the pain killers._

_JJ invited her in and she nodded her acceptance, JJ offered her a drink, her head buried in her fridge so she could hide her tears, because they had nearly lost Reid, _

_And she would have never forgiven herself if they had; she sighed and emerged from the fridge with two beers,_

_The concern in Emily's eyes was almost too much for her, she faltered slightly at the intense look she received from the profiler, she knew what Emily was saying even without words,_

'_This is not your fault'_

"_Don't Emily, please" JJ's voice sounded angry, and she was angry, at herself._

_They stood standing across from each other in JJ's kitchen; the centre island between them, and whether JJ wanted her to or not Emily came around and wrapped her arms around JJ for the second time in as many days._

_JJ rested her head in the crook of Emily's neck and breathed her in deeply eyes closed lips resting on her pulse point _

"_Jenn, it isn't, and he's going to be okay, a little worse for wear right now but he will be fine"_

"_Eventually"_

_Emily held the woman at arm's length and gave her a hard look,_

"_Hey, that's not the point and you know it, now I want you to repeat after me, Reid is going to be okay"_

_Emily raised her eyes expectantly and nodded as JJ did as instructed._

_Emily smiled at her and JJ smiled back weakly. And then Emily shocked them both by pressing her lips to JJ's forehead in a gentle show of affection. _

"_Do you think maybe we can try this again?"_

_Emily whispered quietly, if she had learned anything over the last couple of days it was that she undoubtedly cared for this woman, which meant two things,_

_One: she was screwed_

_Two: she was so fucking screwed._

_JJ nodded and led her up the stairs quietly by the hand; she felt Emily's hesitation in her reluctance to move,_

_JJ turned to her with a raised eyebrow,_

"_You've been awake longer than me you're not driving to DC; you're staying here with me."_

_Emily felt that it would be useless to argue, so she didn't. JJ gave her some sweats and a tank top to sleep in and left her to change while she changed in the bath room._

_The two settled into bed comfortably JJ spooned against Emily's front and soon JJ was sound asleep, Emily however couldn't bring herself to close her eyes._

_She was used to sleeping with a knife under her pillow..._

_If she slept at all..._

A small smile graced Emily's lips as she leaned back on the couch and let her eyes drift closed, it was all she offered herself these days, a few gathered hours of sleep here and there.

Too paranoid to really sleep, too exhausted not to on some nights, and always her last thoughts before sleep would come would be of Jennifer.

And she still slept with a knife under her pillow...

"The course of true love never did run smooth." - William Shakespeare

She didn't bother turning on the lights as she stepped into the house taking off her coat; she hung it on the coat rack and made her way into the front hall.

Her first stop was into the front room where the liquor cabinet was kept, she hadn't been much a of a drinker, wine and beer mostly,

But with Emily's absence she found that she had taken to drinking whiskey, two shots neat almost every night since she had come home from Paris.

It was Emily's drink...

Emily would come home from work and find JJ in their home office going over work she had brought home with her. Emily would come up behind her and drop a kiss to the top of her head and then JJ would tilt her head up so she could receive a proper kiss from Emily the taste of the whiskey still on her lips.

And it always tasted sweet...

JJ poured herself her drink and made her way to the master bedroom, it still looked as if Emily still lived in the house, her half of the closet was still occupied, her drawers still full.

"I need to believe she's coming back, Hotch...I have to"

The two had met for lunch every few weeks; to anyone else they seemed old friends both still grieving one the loss of a great friend, the other so much more.

It kept them both sane, they both carried secrets with them, no one should ever have to keep...JJ often wondered if her post at the pentagon had been less of a coincidence and more of a pre emptive strike against Doyle, had he been out of prison much longer than they were lead to believe?

Was she offered her position at the pentagon because Doyle escaped? Because somewhere someone had been watching, and that her relationship with Emily could be used as a tactic to catch the bastard?

JJ was becoming paranoid...

In the weeks and months following Emily going into hiding, JJ found that she was losing herself in the lies she told to her friends, they were her family.

She couldn't look in the mirror any more; every time she did she didn't recognize who she was.

But in all fairness Hotch aside, she was almost jealous of them, her old team. They were told a lie so they could be safe.

So that Emily could be safe.

JJ was left in the reality of the situation Emily was out there and she couldn't do a damn thing about it, sometimes she wished the profiler had died that night.

She changed quickly and climbed into bed, finishing her drink she placed the tumbler on the night stand, her dreams like always are filled with memories of Emily...

_The couple had just gotten home from visiting Hotch at the hospital; Foyet had attacked their unit chief at his home, having been missing for weeks after escaping from prison._

_They hadn't found him; he had found them...and took away the most important thing in Aaron Hotchner's life, his family._

_JJ sighed as she put the car in park and cut off the engine, turning to Emily with a worried gaze she traced delicate fingers up over her cheek and moved Emily's hair behind her ear,_

"_Baby, talk to me"_

_Emily simply stared out the window, unfazed by the woman next to her. JJ clenched her jaw and got out of the car, she didn't know what to do when Emily got like this, no amount of gentle coaxing could get Emily out of one of her 'moods'_

_JJ told herself that Emily would talk when she was ready. The problem was that she was never ready. Emily would just switch back on and act as if she hadn't just spent the last hour staring off into space._

_JJ was already in their bedroom locking away her side arm and badge when she heard the garage entrance into the house open and close. _

_She listened for the tell tale signs that Emily had entered the house; she could hear the clinking of a glass and heard Emily pouring herself a drink._

_Emily had been quiet the entire way home. _

_Emily had been the one to notice Hotch missing, she had seen him lying prone in that hospital bed saw the fear in his eyes as he realized what Foyet had taken and the resolve on his face as he made the most important decision of his life._

_These thoughts plagued her mind as she vaguely registered JJ's touch and her quiet plea to talk to her. _

_She was consumed with these thoughts as she ascended the stairs tumbler in hand glass half full. _

_JJ was in their bathroom, already dressed for bed, her eyes flickered towards Emily's through the mirror and the glass in Emily's right hand. _

_She looked at Emily with an almost incredulous expression. Emily was leaned against the door frame of the bath room watching JJ watch her through the mirror._

_She noticed JJ notice the amount of whiskey in the glass, Emily's already dark eyes seemed to darken as she came to level JJ with a look as if to say,_

'_I dare you to say something about it'_

_So she did,_

"_Really Emily?"_

_Emily rolled her eyes and smirked as she took a long sip from the glass in her hand, _

_JJ spun on her heel and tore the glass from the profiler mid sip and chucked it into the sink with a shatter._

_JJ's eyes were alight with fury. Emily dragged the back of her hand across her lips the look in her eyes feral._

_JJ had never seen this look in her lover's eyes before and it scared her._

"_What the hell is the matter with you Prentiss?"_

_JJ made sure to use Emily's last name, something told her that this, this wasn't Emily,_

"_Nothing is the matter with me Jennifer, well, actually, there is. I'm thirsty and you just tossed a very good glass of whiskey down the drain" _

_Emily moved from the door frame to walk away, Jennifer moved quickly and caught her by the upper arm,_

"_Let, go of me Jennifer"_

_There was nothing of the Emily that JJ had fallen in love with in her tone._

_Emily saw the flash of fear in JJ's eyes and she didn't care. She clenched her jaw against the iron grip Jennifer had on her arm,_

"_No"_

_JJ's voice was resolved she was done with the avoidance, the refusal to talk about what was really going on with her._

_She could hide from the team, but not from her._

"_Let. Go"_

_Emily wrapped her fingers around JJ's slender wrist and removed JJ's vice like grip from her arm, if she wouldn't obey when asked nicely Emily would just simply have to make her._

_Emily never took her eyes off of Jennifer as she removed JJ's hand from her arm. She gripped the blonde's wrist tightly as she lowered it to JJ's side._

_Tears started to fill blue eyes as Emily let go of Jennifer and turned to leave the room,_

"_EMILY!"_

_Hearing her name torn from this woman's lips, who was so willing to love her, willing to listen, made her pause._

_Emily stopped in her tracks at the outburst, and turned around to see her Jennifer, tears streaming down her cheeks, eyes glowing with anger, and confusion and worry._

_She wanted to go to her, but knew that it was better this way JJ recognized the internal struggle in Emily's eyes but could do nothing but watch as she walked out of the bed room and down the stairs. _

_Emily had driven around aimlessly for hours that night, thankful the team had been pulled off rotation the drive gave her the opportunity to process what had just happened. She didn't return home until the first rays of dawn started to peak over the eastern horizon._

_She sat in the driver's seat of her Lexus for nearly forty minutes before going inside. She took the stairs to the bedroom she shared with Jennifer, slowly._

_The conclusion she had come to on her drive was that, this simply would not work. _

_Jennifer wanted something that Emily couldn't give._

_Herself._

_Emily entered her bedroom with a heavy sigh and was shocked to see that JJ was up sitting at the large bay window in their room legs curled under her, a frown marring her brow._

_JJ turned to look at Emily as she walked into the room, and saw the Emily she had fallen in love with._

_Emily's eyes were downcast, she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, and slowly walked towards Jennifer, she stood before her guilt written all over her face._

_She knelt before Jennifer who had turned away from the window completely and was now facing Emily. Emily rested her hands on Jennifer's knees and slid them up her thighs tenderly so she could rest them on Jennifer's hips._

_All the while being sure not to break the eye contact they carried._

"_Jenn..."_

_Jennifer shook her head, she knew the tone in Emily's voice, and she refused to let her go that easily. JJ gently eased her fingers through Emily's auburn hair and brought her lips forward in a tender kiss. _

_Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist and buried her face into her neck, JJ ran her fingers through Emily's hair as Emily took a deep breath in and started to cry..._

_She smelled like vanilla and something else that was just Jennifer._

"_You're not going anywhere Em; I'm not giving up on you that easily"_

_JJ felt Emily nod against her neck and she continued to hold her close offering the profiler the privacy to fall apart in her arms._

A/N: So I've decided that a chapter a week (7 days) at most is plenty for you guys, just because this is a WIP and I start school very soon, finding time to write will be difficult, however, at least we've got them on their way... I think I've come up with a good structure for this bad boy, everyone seems to like the flash backs threaded into real time so I'm going to keep that going. Reviews make my world go round y'all!


	4. Awake and Dreaming

A/N: Just wanted to show some love to Orange who always seems to have great things to say, and thank you to all the rest who have decided to stick it out, I'm trying to listen to your reviews and give you what you would like to read, hopefully, now remember hands and feet out side of the vehicle at all times and we should do just fine...on with the show yes? Oh, and catch the Smirk on JJ's face in the season 7 promo!

Awake and Dreaming

"_**I try but I can say, that I'm yours for good support me you said you would" Awake and Dreaming, Finger Eleven**_

With nothing to do and nowhere to go, Emily had taken to creating a routine,

Training and writing...it helped with the solitude, and the soul crushing feeling she got every time she thought about Jennifer.

Emily had meant what she had said to Jane all those years ago,

You really can't help who you fall in love with...

She remembered the look JJ had shot her then. She wished she had something more than a photograph of Jennifer with her now,

It had been taken in New Orleans, after they had arrested a poor young woman who had been killing men in the French quarter...

Poor girl,

She had a lot going for her too.

_Emily sat in her hotel room, brows furrowed as she wrote in her journal, it was getting harder for her to separate her emotions and writing just wasn't cutting it these days ,_

_She remembered interviewing that dirt bag __Ronnie Thibodaux, his arrogance and demeanour made Emily angry,_

"_if a woman accuses me of rape, I'd remember her name"_

_Emily briefly let her mind drift to tying Thibodaux to a chair and beating him senseless until he cried like the little bitch he was._

_And then, when she had seen Det. Lamontagne flirting with Jennifer she wanted to rip his throat out, she settled for her journal instead._

_And it hadn't helped that she had been on dicey terms with Reid as of late, it seemed as though the young doctor just had it out for her, she could do no right by him. _

_He needed help and she knew the signs well; she just hoped the young man got the help he needed._

_A knock on her hotel room door pulled her from her task._

_She was surprised to find, Det. Lamontagne scruffy beard and sleepy smile,_

"_Sorry, to bother you agent Prentiss, but I can't seem t' shake off this feelin' like I've done something to offend you."_

_Emily cocked an eyebrow at the man, what was he playing at?_

_She stepped back to let him in,_

"_My talking with Agent Jareau, we was just workin'"_

_Emily's eyebrow was still raised, but she felt a shiver of fear slide down her spine, because if he had noticed, had the others noticed too?_

_He saw her face and shook his head, _

"_She told me, seems like she cares a lot for you, look I just came to apologize if I'd offended you,"_

_The young detective held out his hand for Emily to shake and she did so,_

"_I've offered to buy your team a round' a drinks, for helping me close my daddy's case,"_

_It was an open ended invitation that Emily took. _

_Derek Emily and JJ had gone out to the French quarter with the Detective to celebrate a victory; they all sat around and talked about cases, and victories, war stories and anecdotes about their profession, because after all they were all on the same side._

_Emily had gone to the bar for another round, Emily stood leaning against the bar her back to the crowd, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up she realized why as JJ squeezed in next to her._

_Her right arm resting on the bar in front of Emily, her proximity and the crowd allowing her to be almost flush against the other woman's side,_

_She used the loudness of the bar as an excuse to bring her lips to her ear,_

"_Hey"_

_Emily felt Jennifer's warm breath tickle her ear and her head shot up to see if anyone was watching them,_

_The crowd around the bar gave them enough cover, that Jennifer was able to put her hand on Emily's lower back just under her t shirt and she could feel the muscles tense under her touch,_

_Emily gave her a crooked smile which JJ returned wholly, Derek sidled up to them camera in hand and had snapped a photo of JJ a smile full of teeth._

_JJ had gotten a copy of the photo from Derek and had given it to her a few weeks later. _

Emily sighed and traced her thumb over Jennifer's features and she wondered what she was doing in this same moment.

_**The**__**death of a child is the single most traumatic event in medicine. To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself-**__** Dr. Burton Grebin**_

JJ was pulled out of her dreams by the ringing of her phone; she reached blindly for it and picked it up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

Her voice was thick with sleep,

"JJ hi its Elizabeth did I wake you?"

If you had told JJ that she would be on a first name basis with ambassador Prentiss five years ago she would have laughed in your face and called you crazy.

And yet here she was five years later on a first name basis with Elizabeth Prentiss, then again, she nearly married her daughter, and the grief over Emily's death had made them closer.

JJ and Elizabeth had lunch once a week if their schedules allowed it, she remembered the day she met the ambassador, she was quite the woman, and JJ saw a lot of Emily in her.

"Elizabeth hi, it's alright I should really be getting up anyway," she paused for a moment as her voice wavered, God she hated when this happened.

Elizabeth would call, and as soon as she picked up a lump would form in her throat.

It tasted like guilt and pain...

Sometimes she would answer and as soon as Elizabeth said hi, JJ would be in tears.

Elizabeth could do nothing but listen, as the woman she was so prepared to consider her daughter expressed her grief.

She took a moment to compose herself. Speaking with Elizabeth always reminded JJ of what she almost had with Emily, of what she had foolishly promised the profiler,

JJ closed her eyes against the tears that continued to fall as she continued small talk with the Ambassador,

"How is Rome?"

"Rome is good, its hard being here though, the little things that remind me of..."

It was the Ambassador's turn to falter as she thought of her daughter.

JJ and Elizabeth agreed to dinner when she got back, and gave a whimsical smile at the memory of meeting Emily's mother.

Oh yes, she remembers meeting the Ambassador quite well,

"_What the hell?"_

_JJ's head shot up at Emily's outburst and her eyes widened to saucers as she watched Emily tear out of the conference room,_

"_Mother?"_

_The team's eyes all looked towards the conference room door where Emily stood hands gripping the railing knuckles white._

_Emily balked at the woman, who was unmistakably her mother. They had the same pert nose and high cheek bones._

_JJ watched with bemused interest at the exchange between the two, She watched as Emily awkwardly pulled her mother into a hug,_

_While Prentiss and Hotch took the distraught mother and daughter into his office that the Ambassador had escorted into the BAU, the team sat around the bullpen tossing around theories about the brunette profiler._

"_So that's Emily's mom, somehow I thought she would be taller"_

_Spence leaned back in his chair as his eyes took in the scene in Hotch's office._

_Derek just shook his head,_

"_I don't know what I would do if my mother showed up here unannounced, it's like being on a school field trip and having your mom tag along as a supervisor."_

_The team was gathered in the conference room, JJ's eyes travelled to Emily who was speaking quiet words of comfort in Russian to Mrs. Churnis._

_A few short hours later found Emily, watching helplessly as Mrs. Churnis received news of the further mutilation of her husband._

_Emily could only look on helplessly, wasn't there more she could do?_

_She heard the familiar approach of her mother's footsteps,_

"_Has something happened?"_

"_Yes, the kidnappers didn't wait until noon; they cut off Mr. Churnis' ear and sent it to his daughter"_

"_Is he,"_

"_No we don't think so, but they've given us a new dead line and increased the ransom demand. You still think I enjoy all of this?"_

_Emily's job had been a great bone of contention between her and her mother. Elizabeth had always known what her daughter did for a living even during her Interpol days._

_She may not have known all the gory details, but her daughter had been on a list, and Elizabeth although not thrilled with Emily's choice to stay in law enforcement after the Doyle case, would rather her surrounded by this than be on that list._

_JJ had spent quite a bit of time watching the two, she could see them from her office now, and took in the square set of Emily's shoulders, how she stood up straighter and seemed more...guarded in front of her mother._

_It was the same stance JJ saw when Emily was trying to protect her; usually from Emily. _

_And then she understood, the tense relationship Emily held with her mother wasn't just because of her upbringing,_

_Emily loved and cared about her mother, despite her failings as a parent, she wanted to protect her mother from everything that was going on around her, and she couldn't do that if she showed weakness._

_Protecting someone, to Emily; meant that she had to be stronger than everyone else._

_Even if that meant being on your own._

_JJ went to the break room for a fresh cup of coffee. She poured into her mug on auto pilot, not noticing as it spilled over the rim, burning her hand._

"_Dammit"_

"_Are you alright agent Jareau?"_

_JJ froze and spun around on her heel at the voice, her eyes wide as Elizabeth Prentiss stood in the break room, taking in the blonde woman._

"_Yeah, yes, ma'am thank you"_

_Elizabeth made no effort to hide that she knew, Emily may not have been close with her mother, but her mother wasn't stupid, she caught the way the blonde agent's eyes followed her daughter, _

_Those were not eyes of a mere colleague, they were the eyes of a woman falling so helplessly in love it was almost beautiful, if it wasn't so tragic, Elizabeth wondered if Jennifer Jareau knew what it was she was getting herself into._

_Elizabeth gave JJ a curt nod and a smile, _

"_Agent Jareau would you like to join me for lunch?"_

_It wasn't a request, and JJ couldn't help the sinking feeling that took residence in the pit of her stomach._

_JJ could do nothing but nod dumbly and follow the woman out of the break room to the elevators._

_The two sat, in a small diner close to Headquarters._

_JJ fiddled with her napkin nervously..._

_The Ambassador knew..._

"_Agent Jareau, don't be so nervous, this isn't what you think"_

_The words flew out of JJ's mouth before she could stop them,_

"_How do you know what I think this is?"_

_JJ blushed and had the decency to hide behind the glass of water she sipped from._

'_She's good' thought the ambassador, and dammit if she hadn't already stolen her daughter's heart, she would soon._

_The ambassador smirked, and brought her own water glass to her lips,_

_Taking a small sip, she fixed JJ with a serious look,_

"_Agent Jareau, I may not speak with my daughter as frequently as most parents speak with their children, but I still am a mother...don't let Emily hide from you, because she will."_

_JJ's brow furrowed at the advice,_

"_You seem to be good for her; she's called me more in the last ten weeks than she had all last year. Thank you, for giving me my daughter back"_

_It was true, the ambassador had heard from Emily more frequently lately since joining the BAU, and she could only guess that it had to do with some 'one' and not just something,_

_And at that moment, JJ did not see an ambassador, she saw a woman struggling over the relationship she had, or did not have with her daughter. And she saw the hope of a relationship that until recently she did not have._

_She saw the failure in eyes that looked so much like Emily's it was scary. _

"_Ambassador Prentiss I care about Emily, very much. And I don't ever want to hurt her, or see her get hurt. "_

_JJ thought she saw Elizabeth sigh in relief, the two spoke some more, quietly over their food, and much to JJ's surprise the ambassador had wished her luck with her daughter and gave her a warm smile, telling her that they should do this again._

_That evening Emily burst into JJ's office expression unreadable._

"_You went to lunch with my mother?"_

_She didn't sound angry which was good, but she did sound mortified._

"_She knows, about us I didn't even tell her she just knew" _

_JJ was sat behind her desk, an air of calm about her, her eyes followed Emily's as the profiler paced in front of JJ's desk._

"_Em, sit down you're making me dizzy"_

_Emily stopped in her tracks and looked at JJ nodding as she did as she was told._

"_She wished us luck; she told me I was good for you"_

_JJ winked at Emily who's face held a dark smirk, Emily sighed and flopped back against the chair she sat in,_

"_I'm going to go let my mother know how the case went, I'll call you later?"_

_JJ nodded and glued her eyes to Emily's ass as she left her office, and thought,_

'_This might just work'_

JJ stretched and dressed quickly for her run, she ran the 10k religiously every morning, this was her time to reflect and decompress from all the things she had seen and had to experience.

She thought about Emily and her old team mostly when she ran.

JJ remembered the Baltimore case and then the case right after,

_Emily had retreated into herself on the plane home from Idaho, barely looking at any of them when they landed. _

_JJ had overheard the conversation that Emily had with Derek on the plane, at the time she figured Emily was having trouble making sense of what held them apart from the unsubs if they thought like them too. _

_Morgan had no idea that Emily not only thought like some of these monsters, she had done things, awful things, things that could never be expressed by or to anyone as anything other than depraved,_

_She used to tell herself she was just following orders._

_She was more like the people they hunted than Morgan would like to believe, Morgan's words were of little comfort to Emily._

_Emily had gone home that night and filled page after page of her journal, about the differences between herself and the people they hunt, she struggled with the knowledge that there weren't many._

_Her writing was interrupted by a knock at the door; she sighed and trudged to the door. Surprised by who she found; Emily saw Jennifer on the other side of the door arm resting on the wall beside the door waiting for Emily to answer._

_Emily opened the door with a tired look in her eyes and sighed; Jennifer had changed out of her work attire and was dressed casually in jeans and a hoodie._

"_Hey, Jennifer"_

_Emily stepped back and let her in with a smile, locking the door behind her she barely had a second to turn around before she was pinned up against the door by Jennifer. Her hands on her hips, lips against hers._

_Emily melted into the kiss as Jennifer's tongue moved against hers._

_She pulled away and gave Emily a shy smile. Emily licked her lips and smiled back moving her head forward for another kiss, she frowned when Jennifer pulled away,_

"_Wait, I came here, to tell you something,"_

_Emily's hands had travelled up and under Jennifer's hoodie and her fingers were gently stroking the bare skin she found at her sides,_

"_Tell me" Emily said quietly, amazed by the trust she found in Jennifer's eyes. Jennifer kissed her on the lips and took a deep breath,_

"_I read your personnel file"_

_Emily's jaw clenched as she extricated herself from Jennifer's arms and walked into her apartment leaving Jennifer by the door._

_Jennifer followed behind her slowly, raking her fingers through her hair._

"_I'm sorry, it's protocol, when you were transferred Garcia dropped it onto my desk, don't worry she didn't read it,"_

_Emily turned from the drink she had been pouring and raised an eyebrow,_

"_She didn't read it because she couldn't; Emily your file was missing half of your service with the FBI."_

_Emily knew this of course, she barely existed until she left Interpol, she finished her drink and placed the glass aside,_

_Jennifer moved slowly, closing the distance between them, she needed Emily to understand,_

"_Do you know why I'm telling you this?"_

_Emily shook her head and closed her eyes clenching her jaw as Jennifer smoothed her hands over Emily's shoulders and down her arms,_

"_I'm telling you this because, I don't care, what you did, or why half your file is missing"_

_Emily opened her eyes, and stared right into the deepest blue she had ever seen, and what she saw scared her. She shut her eyes tight and tried to hide, but Jennifer wouldn't let her._

_Emily awoke the next morning and took in the sight of Jennifer laying on her stomach sound asleep, with one arm wrapped around Emily's waist._

_Emily lightly brushed her fingers along Jennifer's arm and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder waking her._

_The Blonde's eyes opened and she gave Emily a sleepy smile and a kiss to the forehead, she settled her gaze on the brunette's eyes and she snuggled closer into the brunette's arms. _

_Emily let out a content sigh at everything she felt in that moment._

_Love_

_Want_

_Trust_

_This woman was not going to judge her, for what she did or did not know. Jennifer accepted that there were things about Emily that she wasn't going to understand, that she wasn't allowed to know, and to Jennifer that was fine._

_As long as Emily was there when she went to sleep at night and there when she woke up in the morning Jennifer didn't care about why Emily's file was half missing. _

She should have...

JJ pushed herself harder this time, she generally did after talking with Elizabeth, the woman trusted her, confided in her over things about Emily and her hopes for the couple, and her grief over her daughter's death, but Emily wasn't really dead was she?

But oh there were times where she had come close, JJ remembered New York.

"_Emily, get in the SUV"_

_JJ was already in the driver's seat of the bureau issued vehicle, she was desperately trying to get Emily to go back to the hotel for some rest._

_Emily was still reeling over Cooper's shooting, not to mention the shooter had been just a kid. The kid's blood was on her hands, he had been someone's son._

"_JJ I'll be there soon, I promise"_

_Emily gave JJ a weak smile and JJ returned it._

_She was awakened not two hours later by the shrill ring of her phone._

"_Jareau...What!"_

_She was back on the road in seconds, and when she found the rest of her team, she couldn't help Emily's name tumbling from her lips with relief._

_Emily just breathed a sigh of relief at seeing Jennifer, Emily hid her panic well when Garcia hadn't been able to get a hold of her,_

"_Emily!"_

"_Jennifer!"_

_Emily immediately had her arms wrapped around Jennifer's waist her head buried in her neck. _

"_I thought it was you" Jennifer whispered._

But New York was nothing compared to Colorado.

_Emily was up early for her flight to Colorado, she smiled when she felt Jennifer's hands slip around her waist from behind and cup her intimately,_

"_Morning"_

_JJ caught Emily's earlobe in her teeth as she whispered into her ear. The two shared a moment and JJ left Emily to finish her shower,_

_Emily left JJ with a kiss to her lips and her travel mug full of coffee, expecting her trip to Colorado to be just a routine under cover with Reid. _

_In no way was she expected to be victim to someone else's stupidity,_

_She really hated politics._

_JJ burst through the glass doors of the BAU, after she had received a rather disturbing phone call, about a Separatist Ranch in Colorado that had just been sprayed with gunfire from a raid by state police._

"_Morgan!"  
>The two watched in horror at the news coverage of the Ranch,<em>

"_JJ isn't that where Emily and Reid are..."_

"_They're still inside"_

_JJ couldn't listen to Cyrus beat Emily, it took everything in her not to convince Hotch to just storm the place. It wouldn't have taken much to convince him, they were a family, and having to listen while a family member was beaten would have lit a fire under anyone to just run in._

"_I can take it"_

The three agonizing days JJ and the team spent on the other side of that barricade from the ranch were, up until then, the worst days they had ever had to go through. She remembered the fleeting glances thrown at her by Hotch every few minutes, if it were possible he was more nervous than she was.

JJ remembered, the ATF and SWAT, leading the women and children out of the tunnel and away from the ranch, she prayed that Reid and Emily would get out safe,

JJ saw the explosion, and closed her eyes against what she thought to be true,

Emily was still inside.

She couldn't have been more relieved when out of one of the five SUV's that pulled up to their base camp, came Emily, a little bit blood and a little bit dirty, but she was safe. JJ wrapped her arms around her a little too tight and started to cry, as Emily whispered in her ear,

"It's okay I'm still here"

Yes she was.

They had gone back to JJ's place that night, and Emily was under strict orders to take it easy,

"_Jennifer I'm fine, I'm pretty sure I can order take out on my own"_

_JJ glared at her from her place at the entry way to the living room, Emily was sprawled out on the couch with an aggravated arch to her eye brows, it was bad enough she felt worse than it looked, she didn't need JJ fawning over her,_

_She was fine...as long as she didn't move anything._

After New York and Colorado Emily resolved herself not to keep any future secrets from JJ It may not have been fair but at the time she didn't know that her past could come out from a dark corner to haunt her.

Even when she had gotten the phone call from John that winter, Matthew was dead, and Emily had taken it really hard. She blamed herself for his choices in life, she blamed her naiveté as a young girl for what his future had ended up like as a man.

_She remembered sitting across from John and wanting to shoot him in the head, why hadn't he called her sooner? Why wait until Matt had died?_

_Emily hadn't gone home that night, instead she had gone into the BAU to talk to Hotch, she ran into Garcia on the way,_

"_It's just kittens' and poodles out there"_

_They chatted briefly about the case file, JJ had called Garcia an hour ago looking for Emily..._

_Emily hadn't been picking up the phone, JJ was scared..._

"_Em, JJ wants you to cal her, she's worried...should she we be worried?"_

_The only person Emily had confided in about Rome had been Rossi, he just seemed to know that there was more to her history with Matthew than she let on, so she took his advice, and she trusted him._

_And when she had found herself standing at the stoop of a church, for the first time in a long time she went in and prayed._

_She went home that night to her condo and found JJ there warm smile on her face outstretched arms for Emily to fall into, and she did. Emily fell into that loving embrace and cried, she cried for Matthew, she cried for her unborn child and she cried for all the time she and John had lost over their foolish childhood._

Emily cracked her neck and sighed, another day of solitude, another day to fill page upon page of her journal.

Today's entry started off with,

_Dear Jennifer, I'm in Portugal today, I was thinking of visiting Monaco next week..._

A/N: Whoa, chapter IV eh? Well then, so I agonised about whether or not I wanted Henry in this fic, and I haven't completely made my decision yet, about when or how or why or even if...so I was thinking about a bit of relationship fluffykins in the next chapter or so? Make it a little fifteen plus? Yeah? Okay good...wasn't really asking for your permission anyways...reviews, world round you know how I feel...


	5. Trouble

A/N: Hello again, I hope your week has been nice, and school is treating you all like crap. School is important kids, get an education! I've taken a bit of a different spin on this chapter, some of the flash backs are from JJ or Emily's POV and some flash backs are just rewrites of episodes that I've done...There is so much that happens between Emily and JJ without words that I would love to put in but I can't make it all fit without redundancy, Thanx for all the pretty, pretty words, y'know I love to hear them! Okay on with the show!

PS: Catch the smirk!

Trouble

"_**Worry just will not seem to leave my mind; I've been saved by a woman" Trouble, Ray Lamontagne.**_

JJ was sat across from Garcia; she hadn't touched much of her salad, poked at it and pushed it around her plate was more like it. She looked up from her plate to see Garcia looking at her with a sad expression,

JJ just smiled that 'I'm okay, everything is fine' smile and took a small sip from her glass of wine.

Garcia cleared her throat and placed a hand over JJ's to stop her from playing with her food,

"Kitten, its okay to talk about it"

JJ looked up with a sad look in her eyes and smiled,

"No, it's not, besides! We're here to talk about you and Kevin, I'm fine"

JJ looked smaller than when Garcia had seen her last, she wondered if the woman had been eating properly, Garcia took in the tired eyes and the dark circles,

JJ hadn't been sleeping well either. It was almost impossible for Garcia to remember the last time she had seen JJ. The two had spoken over the phone frequently but the two had not seen each other in some time.

That had been the trend between JJ and her old team; save for Hotch, JJ barely saw them face to face. It would have been too hard for her to keep her secrets, to tell her lies.

She didn't have sad mournful eyes to look into while they reminisced over what thing had reminded them of Emily that day or that month if she only spoke to them over the phone.

JJ would sometimes call Spence and they would chat for a little bit, but it wasn't the same.

JJ couldn't bring herself to talk to Derek, she would hear from the others about how he was doing, but she couldn't speak to him, afraid that she would crack and tell him the truth.

He had been with _her_, had refused to let go of _her_ hand in the ambulance.

She thought Hotch didn't know about the file he kept in the bottom of his desk drawer, but he did, and he told JJ which only made her feel worse about the lies she told.

JJ lost herself in conversation with Garcia, her mind drifting back to the night Hotch told her that Garcia had been shot. She remembered Emily sitting next to her, and the quiet strength between them as Emily took her hand.

JJ remembered putting a bullet though Battle's head without evening blinking,

Garcia was family, and she would do anything to protect her family,

But was she really protecting them now?

Like this?

Lunch was finished all too soon and JJ found herself alone in her house on a Saturday evening with nothing but her guilt and an early autumn chill to keep her company. She walked over to the fireplace mantle and looked at the photographs she kept.

There were some of the team from a barbeque a few years back, JJ with Jack's soccer team, Emily and Derek beers in hand smiling. JJ's eyes zeroed in on the photo that sat in the middle of the mantle, it had been taken candidly by Garcia.

It had JJ facing Emily with the front of Emily's shirt in her hands, pulling her towards her, JJ's lips firmly against Emily's. Emily had her hands firmly on JJ's ass.

Garcia had snapped the picture the day they had moved in. They had decided to make it their engagement photo.

JJ was immediately brought back to their case in L.A, with Johnny the graphic artist with PTSD. She smiled at the irony in her situation, but instead of a voicemail greeting, she had a photo.

Emily didn't stay in one place for very long. Paris for a month, Spain for three weeks; Emily stretched and looked around the one bedroom apartment she currently resided in. Emily had her good days and bad days; today she decided was going to be a good day...

_JJ was sat in her office an open file in front of her; she could feel the migraine approaching swiftly. Charles Lévesque had been the third victim found in Miami, she looked up as Emily leaned into her office a wicked smile on her face,_

"_Hey, babe..."_

_JJ fixed her with a stern look, and Emily rolled her eyes stepping further into the room,_

"_You know Jennifer, for all the talk you give me about opening up and being honest, don't you think it's just a tad bit hypocritical that we have to hide from the people we're closest to?"_

_They had been together for over a year, and Emily felt awful, that they had to hide. She wanted to shout from the roof tops that she was in love with this woman, that she could love anyone._

_And that was a victory in Emily's books, despite everything she had been through and her almost crippling inability to express her emotions, she was able to express them for Jennifer, and she couldn't understand why she couldn't share that with the team, whom they both considered family._

_But Jennifer had her reservations, she kept telling Emily that it was none of their business, and she wanted to try her best to keep her personal matters from prying eyes,_

_What Emily really heard, was that Jennifer was ashamed that she was involved with Emily, Emily the co-worker, Emily the ambassador's daughter._

_The team was headed to Miami and the couple barely looked at each other the whole flight. When they arrived Emily was the first to notice Det. Lamontagne._

_The couple had grown fond of the man; he was clearly devoted to his work, and was a good friend to both JJ and Emily. The couple were planning a trip out to Louisiana their next vacation to meet his fiancé._

_If they lasted that long, at the rate they were going, Emily had her doubts, and doubts were dangerous for the profiler to have._

"_JJ, isn't that?"_

_JJ was bathed in fear as Det. William Lamontagne walked towards the team, aside from Emily's mother Will was possibly the only other person on the planet that knew her and Emily were together._

_After the case in New Orleans JJ and the Detective had become friends, good friends actually. He was far enough away for JJ to confide in without the fear of her two worlds ever colliding, Garcia may have been JJ's best friend, but when it came to Emily, JJ confided in Will._

_But right now she saw both of her worlds crashing head long into each other, and she couldn't stop the train wreck if she tried._

"_So you all know each other?"_

_The lead detective looked around at the group before her,_

"_Professionally yes"_

_JJ responded quickly, squashing any chance of anyone else saying something that could implicate her...Emily had given her a sharp look,_

'_These people are worse than high school kids' thought the detective._

_Will noticed the tension between Emily and JJ and fixed JJ with a look, he had warned her about the constant need to keep her and the profiler a secret; he had advised JJ against it,_

_He pulled JJ aside as they walked into the precinct, _

"_Hey, what was that out there, you two doin' alright?"_

_JJ rolled her eyes she wasn't in the mood,_

"_I'm fine Will"_

_JJ ran her fingers through her hair exasperated,_

"_You're fine? What about Emily? You still haven't told your team about you and her? JJ the last time you and I spoke you said y'would"_

"_It's none of their business"_

"_What do ya tell them when y'go into DC ev'ry weekend?"_

"_I don't"_

_Will gave a disapproving nod, he cared about JJ thought of her as a good person, and a great friend, and she had helped him through more than his fare share of drama since they had met. _

_But sometimes she could be a bit dumb. If she wasn't careful Emily was going to up and leave her, and it would be no fault of anyone's but JJ's._

"_Will don't look at me like that, it's bad enough I get that look from Emily"_

_He raised his eyebrows, as if to say 'well, so she should look at you that way'_

"_Are you ashamed of her?"_

"_What? No! It's just in this team, everyone knows everything about everyone, there's no privacy, and my personal life is one last thing they can profile"_

_Will smirked, _

"_Well, you picked one hell of a woman to be with; she is a profiler isn't she?"_

_JJ smacked him in the chest and smiled and the two made their way into the precinct where Emily continued to ignore her._

_Later on in the afternoon, after Will had ID'd his partner and they had searched his room, Emily found him, standing on his own looking out towards the street, Emily placed a hand on his arm,_

"_Hey,"_

_He turned and gave Emily a small smile,_

"_Hey there, Emily" _

_The man looked like he had been crying, Emily couldn't blame him, he had been through a rough couple of days, and to have it all come to a head the way it had must have been stressful._

_She gave him a bottle of water and he accepted it with thanks, he took a big gulp and gave Emily a smile before speaking,_

"_JJ loves you y'know, no matter what stupid thing she says or does, it's only cause she's scared."_

_Emily gave Will a look that said; 'yeah right' Emily sighed and gave Will another pat on the back,_

"_Thanks Will, and I'm sorry for your loss"_

_Will made his way inside leaving Emily with her thoughts._

_She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and turned to find Jennifer walking towards her._

"_Hey"_

"_Hey, you headed back to the hotel?"_

"_Yeah I'm beat"_

"_Without saying anything?"_

_Emily was picking a fight,_

"_I didn't know where you were..."_

"_Did you look?"_

_There was a moment between the couple, an exchange of looks that held so much between them. Emily loved her, and JJ saw just how much in the looks she gave her and the times they spent with each other at Emily's condo in DC._

_What scared Emily in this moment was that she couldn't quite read the look in JJ's eyes. _

"_Should I be worried? I mean it doesn't take a profiler to see that you've got one foot out the door in this relationship"_

_Jennifer looked around in a panic, _

"_Emily, could you keep your voice down"_

_Emily clenched her jaw to stop herself from lashing out; she didn't understand why it was so important for Jennifer to hide. Was it her? Was it because of her past?_

_Immediately Emily began to doubt everything, Jennifer noticed this and immediately felt guilty._

"_Why? I don't care if they hear us, I'm tired of hiding Jennifer and I don't have a problem with people knowing about us, or how much I love you"_

_Emily cradled Jennifer's face in her hands and she immediately pulled away,_

"_Yeah well I do"_

_Jennifer was getting aggravated Emily could see. JJ didn't want to be made accountable for her actions in this relationship, she refused to believe that she had to be responsible. _

_That she was responsible._

"_Why?"_

_Emily sounded so hurt, _

"_Just because! Aright, it's, it's my business" _

_Jennifer's aggravation was escalating and Emily could see that, so she pushed,_

"_Are you ashamed of this?"_

"_no"_

"_Did I offend you?"_

"_no"_

"_Did I say something wrong?"_

"_No!"_

"_Are you seeing another woman?"_

"_No!"_

"_Do you want to see another woman?"_

"_No!"_

"_Do you want to break up?"_

"_Y..."_

_Jennifer had the sense to stop herself, but it was too late. Emily had pushed, and finally had gotten somewhere, and she couldn't hide the look of hurt that crossed her face. And the guilt in Jennifer just kept growing._

"_You, you do?"_

"_Yeah"_

_JJ had the sense enough to look down at the ground_

"_Okay"_

_Emily sounded awestruck, there was a part of her that knew JJ was just being a coward, but who was she to force her to face her cowardice?_

_At this moment, no one._

"_Look, Emily what are we supposed to do? We know what the rules are. Interdepartmental relationships are strictly prohibited. And neither one of us is willing to transfer so..."_

"_When did we have that discussion?"_

"_Well are you?"_

"_Maybe"_

"_You want to give up your career as a profiler, a job that you fought tooth and nail for to do what? Work at the state department?"_

"_Well I would at least like to have the opportunity to make that decision, listen Jennifer all I want is for you to acknowledge to our friends, our family that we care about each other"_

"_Why, why is that so important to you!"_

_JJ knew why, it was important because Emily had spent her life being swept to the waist side. Her childhood had been spent having to hide how much she cared for others, her own parents were kept strictly at arm's length, not even they could really express to others or even themselves how much they loved and cared for their daughter._

_Even though Emily knew they did, knowing, wasn't enough._

_And now, knowing JJ loved her...wasn't enough..._

"_Why?"_

_Emily couldn't help the hurt from seeping into her voice, and the disappointed look that crossed her face, she let out a deep sigh and walked away from JJ,_

"_Have a good night Jennifer"_

"_Emily!"_

_Emily didn't stop, she just kept walking, even after JJ called after her. _

_JJ walked back into the precinct as an idea hit her, maybe it was because she could relate to these victims. And to some extent, the unsub, later that night JJ went back to an empty hotel room, _

_She wasn't surprised by this, despite the policy on opposite sex members of the same team sharing a room, Derek didn't ask why Emily wanted to bunk with him and he didn't push the issue, _

_He just let her crash on the other bed while he found something to watch on television._

_They caught a break in the case the next day, and the unsub was in custody that night, _

_At the precinct, Will watched as JJ avoided the other woman at all costs, he sighed and pulled JJ by the arm into an out of the way corner,_

"_You wanna tell me why Emily looks like you hurt her something bad?" _

_JJ had the sense to look ashamed,_

"_We broke up"_

"_Y'did? Why?"_

_If it was possible JJ looked even more ashamed, Will just sighed and put a comforting arm around her shoulder,_

"_Does that mean I gotta send out separate weddin' invites to y'all, cause I gotta tell ya JJ, mailin' from Louisiana to Virginia aint cheap"_

_JJ smirked and then sighed handing Will the evidence package she had been holding, her lips forming a sad smile,_

"_Detective Lopez signed this into your custody."_

_Will sighed with a sadness settling over his shoulders._

"_Thank you, I still can't believe it"_

"_That Charlie was gay?"_

"_No, that he thought he couldn' tell me, that he thought he had'a hide it. I mean I can't think of anything I could' a cared less about than him being gay y'know? Well he was my friend, and I loved him and all I ever woulda wanted was fo'him to be happy y'know?"_

"_You know throughout this case all I could keep thinking is that, these men, were finally able to find peace in their lives, and how sad it must have been to live a lie day in and day out"_

_Will nodded,_

"_Yeah, and look how it ended fu'them, the ones closest to them didn't even know how miserable they were or, how happy they could've been"_

_He gave JJ a pointed look, as her eyes began to follow Emily around the precinct._

"_She obviously makes you happy JJ, what's the big deal? And you deserve to be happy"_

_The two friends watched as Emily made her way to the exit of the precinct her go bag in her hands, _

"_You know what?"_

_Jennifer reacted, she had to start living her life for herself she went after the profiler,_

"_Hey Emily"_

_Emily turned towards her name, and came face to face with Jennifer, a determined look in her eyes,_

"_It's not that I didn't want them to know, I don't, I don't care about that, it's not about the transferring or us being on the same team or some other girl, its, I didn't want to tell anyone because the minute I do it becomes real and when it becomes real people get hurt, and I've always run from getting hurt, always and I don't wanna run anymore not from you"_

"_Jennifer, just be quiet"_

_Emily reached for her and pulled her into a soul crushing soul searching kiss. The couple had their demons, Emily more than Jennifer on a good day. But there was no reason for them not to be able to fight them off together, with the love and support, of their team, their family._

Family...

She couldn't sleep, JJ sighed into her mug of coffee as she thought about family. She thought she would have had one by now, a little boy or girl running around with her blue eyes and Emily's raven hair.

JJ pulled out the necklace she wore from inside her hoodie and held her engagement ring in her hands they had been so close. It was a solitaire diamond on a platinum inlay band, Emily had given it plenty of thought and it suited JJ perfectly.

When she had accepted she had promised she would never take it off...

_Emily sat, on the back porch of their home, cigarette in hand, Emily wasn't a chain smoker, but today she had been. It had been a long day full of Strauss and interviews and just pile after pile of bureaucratic bullshit._

_Emily had gone through nearly half the pack twiddling the velvet ring box in her fingers. She could hear the sliding backdoor open and close and JJ's bare feet padding up to her. JJ cleared her throat and gave Emily a raised eyebrow._

"_You're supposed to be quitting"_

_JJ sat on the lounger next to Emily and brushed her hair behind her ears, Emily put the cigarette out in the ashtray next to her and turned to face JJ. She had wanted to do this, in a much better situation, with flowers and dinner and candle light._

_The only light that served her now was a full moon, and the lilies in their garden would just have to do. She took JJ's hand shaking slightly._

"_Emily, you're scaring me"_

_She could feel the tremors in Emily's hands as they held her own, and then she felt Emily press the small velvet box into her hands._

"_When we were in the SUV, and we heard Foyet kill Haley..."_

_Emily took a deep breath to steady her nerves, _

'_Come on Prentiss you can do this'_

"_We heard those gunshots; I looked at you and thought to myself, I pray to never ever have to be in Hotch's shoes."_

_Tears had welled up in Emily's eyes, and JJ moved to brush them away, the ring box firm in her hand. Emily gently took it from her and knelt before the woman that had literally saved her from herself._

"_Jennifer, there is nothing more that I want to do, in this life than spend it with you, I know our jobs give us no guarantee that we will have forever, but I'd like to spend whatever time we have with you, married to you raising a family with you"_

_Emily opened the ring box before JJ's eyes. The solitaire ring glimmered in the moon light against the platinum band. Emily needed no words of confirmation, just the look in JJ's indigo eyes that said,_

'_Yes forever'_

_With a smile and a nod from JJ Emily slipped the ring onto JJ's finger and pulled her into a fierce kiss. JJ ended their kiss, still placing small quick kisses to Emily's lips as she spoke._

"_My mom is going to be one rich lady..."_

_JJ dead panned, Emily gave her a confused look,_

"_She bet my dad that you would ask before New Years, he said next summer"_

_Emily stood and pulled JJ up with her pulling her into another kiss, JJ gave her a wicked smile and kissed her way up the side of Emily's neck to her ear and whispered,_

"_Let's go celebrate."_

If JJ had known then what she knew now...

But what did she really know now?

_Emily was a trained spy._

_Emily had lied to her by omission._

JJ's phone rang disrupting her thoughts, she glanced quizzically at the phone, it was four in the morning...

"Jareau"

"Jennifer? It's mom"

Tears filled her eyes and she let out a small sob,

"Oh, hunny..."

Grace Jareau listened as her daughter dissolved into tears...

Today was Emily's birthday...

A/N: So get the joke, I know that Jack plays soccer, but for some reason subconsciously while I wrote this I wrote down hockey team...lol! So, clearly I've retro fitted some things, and high jacked some dialogue, I really enjoyed writing Will into the story, I had a lot of fun writing his accent. wow chapter V already, feels like just yesterday my head was about to explode from all those plot bunnies hopping around...and now..Look, it's just so magical...Reviews make my world go round!

Oh, and if you want to take a look at the ring...here it is

.com/en/featured/Engagement/Solitaire-Diamond-Rings/g64-712/3000045280


	6. Comes Love

A/N: Well, here we go again, It's short, but I felt like I needed to wait for the new season to really get into how I wanted Prentiss back, so I've focused this chapter on season six and a few fluffy scenes...

Comes Love

"_**Don't try, hiding, cause it isn't any use, you'll start sliding, when your heart turns on the juice" Comes Love, Artie Shaw**_

"I'm sorry mom, I just..." JJ sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She wasn't sure how long she could keep this up for...

_It was hot in L.A that was the first thing that came into JJ's mind when they stepped off the plane. The team had gone from crisp cool air conditioning to sweltering heat in under thirty seconds. JJ stole glances at Emily as she slung her jacket over her shoulder grabbed hers and JJ's go bags and proceeded into the airport._

"_Careful, Sunshine, she might catch you staring"_

_Morgan jibed at her with a smirk. It amazed JJ how despite everything they saw on a daily basis, that the team could still smile. Then again, she had Emily and no matter what they saw, she knew they saw it together, she just prayed that it would continue._

_Lately she was having her doubts._

_JJ had received countless calls from the department of defence in the last month, each with increasing urgency. _

_They wanted her, and they wanted her bad. _

_Jennifer Jareau got things done and she got them done well. But she didn't want to leave she had made that painfully apparent every time they requested a meeting, she was either out of state or according to Emily, in the shower..._

_The case in L.A had merely told the pentagon what they already knew, Jennifer Jareau was a government asset, and she could be used elsewhere._

_L.A had been tough on all of them, especially Morgan, the man doesn't make a promise he can't keep, and Ellie was a promise._

_Which is why when they had all landed back in Virginia no one protested drinks; which came free flowing from a little hole in the wall that the team liked to frequent together, Morgan sat with his head lowered as Garcia whispered words of comfort._

_Hotch and Rossi spoke quietly over pints of beer about what went wrong with the case in L.A what went right, their watchful eyes on JJ, it was her efforts that set Ellie free, but somehow it seemed, instead of joy in her eyes they saw something akin to doubt..._

_Rossi nodded his chin towards the young blonde who was sat painfully close to Emily, she was leaned into her, her hand high on her thigh as she spoke into Emily's ear. Emily had her head bent towards JJ so she could hear her above the rowdy bar goers._

_Emily's brows were furrowed in a frown and it seemed as though they were entrapped in a very serious discussion. Hotch took this all in with a look of concern, their body language didn't give away that they were having a fight, no it looked as though Emily was almost supporting JJ with the way her arm was wrapped around her shoulders._

_Hotch watched as Emily swept JJ's bangs across her forehead and place a gentle kiss there. JJ's shoulders dropped heavily and she leaned her head on the profiler's shoulder. Something may not have been wrong between JJ and Emily, but there was definitely something bothering the press liaison._

_Emily unlocked their front door with both hers and JJ's go bags on her shoulder, she lead JJ into their house and locked the door behind her, watching carefully as her girlfriend went straight to the bar and poured herself a drink_

_She left the bags at the front door to be dealt with later and went to JJ; taking her into her arms she gave her a sweet kiss on the lips tasting the alcohol._

"_Jenn, it doesn't mean anything, you said no, it's not like they can force you"_

_JJ rolled her eyes at Emily's attempt at rationalizing the situation,_

"_Em, they have been trying to get me for months, the more I say no the more persistent they seem"_

_Emily rubbed JJ's arms as she felt a shiver go through her and pulled her close,_

"_Okay, well we'll deal with it, whatever happens I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere"_

'_Yeah but I might be...'_

_JJ heaved a deep sigh and Emily could do nothing but watch as JJ silently trudged up the stairs._

_JJ bowed her head under the hot spray of the shower, she was hoping that it would ease the tension from her shoulders. She took her time, the shower giving her time to think. She got out and towelled off quickly slipping on her favourite black robe and tying it loosely at the waist._

_She smiled at what she saw when she stepped out of the bathroom, Emily had dimmed the lights and was standing at the doorway to their bedroom, her hands in her pockets as she leaned against the door frame._

_Emily walked towards her fiancé and took her in her arms, she kissed her soundly on the lips, ghosting her tongue over JJ's bottom lip; asking without words for entrance into the blonde's mouth which she gave willingly._

_JJ gave a contented sigh into their kiss and pulled her head back slightly to speak to Emily,_

"_Do you remember what we talked about after Ashburn?"_

_Ashburn had been one of the more difficult cases, a couple had been abducting and murdering children for close to a decade maybe even longer, they never found the bodies._

_Emily remembered the unforgiving need to vomit when they had discovered that the couple had been burning the children..._

_Emily nodded as she pushed the right shoulder of JJ's robe aside so she could kiss her way along her shoulder, JJ made an appreciative noise as Emily's teeth raked over her skin._

"_I think we're ready"_

_Emily stopped frozen in her movements, _

_Kids_

_That's what they had discussed after Ashburn,_

_Emily's eyes shone with elation, when they had first discussed children, they had both agreed that although they both wanted children very much, they were not ready. They wanted to make sure they were both in a place where they could be parents._

_Kids meant thinking for far more than just themselves, and Emily still had her reservations about being a parent, despite what JJ thought. _

"_Are you sure?"_

_JJ nodded and pulled Emily in for a searing kiss, they were going to start a family. _

_The next morning found JJ and Hotch in his office, staring down chief Strauss, the woman was a cretin. _

"_Do you know something?"_

_Garcia's accusatory tone was not well met. Emily bit her bottom lip nervously and couldn't avoid Derek's questioning so, instead she lied._

"_I have no idea"_

_JJ had been nervous all morning on her way to the office, she fiddled with her engagement ring constantly, as if it gave her reassurance as to who she was, and the strength to stand up to Strauss if need be._

_Emily distracted her with baby plans, they agreed that after the whole mess that was going on about her transferring to the pentagon would be a good time to try,_

"_Em, what if they force me to go?"_

_Emily sighed and took JJ's hand,_

"_Jennifer, no one is going to force you to go anywhere"_

_Emily took JJ's hand and brushed her lips across her knuckles, she couldn't help the butterflies that settled in her stomach, she wasn't quite convinced that JJ would be staying with the team._

_And she had been right, Hotch had even tried to pull a few strings, Emily too but it was no use, you just couldn't argue with the pentagon, so, upon her return to Virginia from Maryland and the de briefing of the case, JJ said her good bye's._

_Emily dropped by her office and found her sitting on the couch head buried in her hands, Emily pulled JJ to her and let her cry._

"_The woman is not human; I'm being punished for being good at my job"_

_Emily kissed the top of her head and tightened her hold around her._

It didn't occur to Emily at the time that JJ would become privy to certain information. At that point she thought she had told JJ everything she thought pertinent.

JJ was still hell bent on getting Emily to sleep longer hours but an average of five hours a night would just have to do; it was better than the two Emily had started out with when they had first started dating.

JJ hated to admit it, but she liked her new job, she missed her team, and she hated Emily being away on cases but she really had exceeded all expectations in her new job, and the new post had given her the ability to concentrate on starting a family,

She had hated Strauss for being right about that.

_Sunday's meant Sunday dinner, if their schedules allowed it, the team would rotate hosting dinner for all of them, this Sunday was JJ and Emily's turn. _

_It was a tradition they had started when Garcia got shot, they were a family, and this tradition solidified that bond. _

_Emily was busy in the kitchen when their home phone rang,_

"_Hello?"_

_JJ answered picking at the carrot sticks Emily had prepared,_

"_Agent Jareau?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I'm sorry to bother you on a weekend but it's imperative that you come into the office, now"_

_JJ had been with the pentagon for a month, and in that month she learned a lot about Emily, JJ had come home late that night, exhausted and worried. _

_JJ stepped in front of the television and turned it off,_

"_Hey, Jenn, what's the big idea?"_

"_Ian Doyle" She only had to say his name._

_Emily's face paled, Jennifer knew now, everything._

"_Why didn't you tell me?"_

_JJ asked later as they lay in bed JJ's head resting in the crook of Emily's neck, her fingers trailing in descript patterns across her bare stomach._

"_I couldn't, I literally was not allowed to"_

_Emily smirked,_

"_You know, it never occurred to me to tell you even when you left the BAU. Why did they tell you anyway?" _

_JJ fixed her with a look and kissed the underside of her chin,_

"_I'm marrying you; they thought it might be a good idea"_

_Emily chuckled,_

"_Really?"_

_JJ nodded, and she was telling the truth, a partial truth at least, the whole truth, was that there had been an influx of weapons being moved throughout Europe and JJ had been de-briefed on the Ian Doyle case, research mostly._

_This was how she had learned of Emily's involvement with the case, and just how far she had gone to do her job..._

"_Really, you do know they do an extensive back ground check when you get hired by the pentagon right?"_

_JJ smirked and was met with a full pair of lips waiting to be kissed. JJ obliged and snuggled into Emily falling asleep peacefully,_

_That night, Emily had a night mare._

_Three months later Ian Doyle escaped from prison._

_A/N: _I just wanted to apologize for not really responding to reviews, I don't really know what to say other than thank you...so thank you and although it's short I felt that this chapter was important sort of like a prologue to all the good stuff that happens in season six...oh and uh...I AM SO RETARDED EXCITED ABOUT TOMOROW NIGHT!


	7. Weak

A/N: Hello there looks like Chapter VII has arrived, hands and feet outside of the vehicle at all times! And you know sometimes I feel like the writers of CM toss us little subtext bones to keep us writers and such happy lol...Episode One has come and gone, and I've seen it a few times now...and I think that...SUBTEXT IS BACK? As always R&R please...

This is Our Tragic Vignette My Love

"**And I've been waiting right here, for things to get better" Weak- Melanie C**

_Emily had been acting weird over the last few weeks, strange phone calls to the house at all times of the night, had left the profiler riddled with exhaustion._

_And every time JJ would enquire Emily would tell her that it was fine. JJ would believe her and let it go, if Emily wanted to tell her she would, and JJ had to respect Emily's reluctance to talk._

_Had she known, oh God had she known she would have tried to prevent all of this from ever happening..._

_She had stood nearby when Garcia had left her that voice mail, _

"_You stay alive"_

_Stay alive for me Emily just stay alive, we're coming, I'm coming..._

_JJ said this to herself over and over and then it had all happened so fast, Derek was calling from an ambulance,_

_Emily was in and out...she wasn't going to make it._

_JJ sat alone in the inner family lounge outside of the operating theatre, she paced some, cried some, but most of all she prayed..._

_And it seemed as though her prayers had been answered, the surgeons had stabilized her, but she wasn't going to wake up in Boston._

_No JJ and Hotch had decide to move her to Bethesda, JJ had gone with her, and was there when she woke up._

_JJ wanted to laugh at the clichéd way her fiancés eyes fluttered open, able to breathe on her own now; the respirator had been removed, and Emily seemed to be recovering._

_JJ leaped forward placing a hand to Emily's cheek,_

"_Hi, hey, don't try to speak"_

_JJ pressed soft lips against her forehead, and brushed her bangs off her forehead, Emily's eyes fluttered closed, and JJ closed her eyes against the tears that fell._

_Two months later JJ was handing Emily the pieces to her new life._

_A life without her._

_The instructions were explicit absolutely under no circumstances no contact, with anyone._

_JJ returned home from Paris and buried herself into her job. _

_Four months later she received a vague but urgent message from Rossi, the two met for lunch._

_Rossi levelled her with a concerned look JJ had the decency to look away,_

"_I assume you've heard about what's been happening? With the team?"_

_JJ nodded taking a tentative sip from her water,_

"_I've put in a recommendation that you be reinstated, we need you JJ, and it's what Emily would have wanted"_

_JJ focused on the man in front of her, Emily's 'death' had hit him hard, and she knew he was helping Morgan track down Doyle._

_JJ had been back less than a year when everything came to a head._

_Morgan had found Doyle through Declan; the boy had been kidnapped by his own mother, for nothing but greed and vengeance._

_Vengeance had always seemed like the ultimate empty pleasure._

"_It's Time" if it was possible Hotch sounded more grave than usual,_

"_Why? It looks like Morgan can break him without her"_

_Emily would be reintroduced to the team..._

_And it was like they had never been apart, they team worked together in tandem as they always had and brought Declan home._

After the trial and the team had been reinstated, Emily had disappeared.

Again...

The team assumed that the couple wanted their time alone,

Truth?

JJ hadn't seen Emily since they had won the trial.

That had been a week ago yesterday.

And now?

Now she lay on her right side, her head propped up on her hand her eyes trailing over Emily's lithe frame covered in nothing but their shared bed sheet.

Was this really what it came down to? Was their family back together?

Soft hands trailed along a hip that seemed too defined.

Was this reality or just a dream, had she really come home tonight to find the door ajar?

Had she really pulled her service weapon and swept her own home?

Only to find the love of her life clad in a black long sleeve v-neck and black cargo pants sitting at the end of their bed, fingers steepled in anticipation for the blonde agent's return.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the sight, JJ knew she would come home.

Her combat boots had left muddy footprints on the hardwood from the rain outside,

JJ hated it when Emily wore her shoes in the house.

She rushed to Emily and threw herself down at her knees drawing the brunettes hands into her own and up to her lips, eyes glistening with tears JJ looked up at her very breath,

Emily was home...

Emily pulled JJ up to her so she could place reverent kisses along her jaw line, down the right side of her neck and across her collar bone up the left side of her neck to her ear,

"I'm home"

The words were whispered against the shell of JJ's ear sending a shiver through her body to some place that she didn't think existed anymore.

JJ stood to her full height between the profiler's knees; Emily could do nothing but look up into the eyes of the woman that had saved her life, literally.

Her hands took purchase on JJ's hips griping tightly almost painfully, JJ didn't mind she was terrified that if Emily let go, she would just disappear again.

JJ stared deeply into Emily's eyes as she slowly lifted her fingers to the buttons on her black French cut oxford, she got half way down, when Emily un-tucked it from her pants and brushed her hands aside and undid the rest of the buttons.

The garment hung open between them; Emily still perched at the edge of the bed, JJ still standing there before her, chest heaving now with shallow breaths.

Their eyes stayed, staring as if trying to find the answer to how they had gotten to this place as if the answer was hidden within indigo and auburn,

JJ raked her fingers through Emily's soft locks as the profiler leaned forward placing a gentle kiss to the exposed flesh of JJ's stomach.

Emily pulled back and slowly lifted shaking hands to the belt buckle of JJ's pants. She paused for a second and looked up into her eyes, asking without words if this was okay.

Their entire relationship could be summed up in charged expressive looks, they could read each other without words, and that was more intimate than anything else they had ever done,

Even this.

Emily proceeded with her task, unbuckling the blonde's belt and freeing the button she stopped, and looked up at JJ one more time,

"Here"

JJ whispered, as she finished what the lost woman had set out to do.

JJ stood now, before Emily in nothing but her bra panties and black dress shirt, having stepped out of her pants.

She heard Emily gasp at the sight before her,

Forgiveness,

Acceptance

Love

That's what Emily saw when she stood from her place on the bed, and took JJ in her arms, crushing their lips together, the kiss was slow at first, as they almost always begin that way.

But weeks of not knowing, of wondering if their last night together all those months ago was their last had turned their gentle reunion of lips into something frenzied.

It was full of a need that had been ignored for far too long an almost palpable ache had settled around them; they had been apart for far too long.

JJ pulled Emily's top up and off the brunette, breaking their kiss to pepper small kisses and licks across Emily's chest and collar bone,

Her lips hovered over the ugly scar from the brand that Doyle had given her; she traced lightly with gentle fingers and placed a soft kiss there...

Emily was home...

FIN

A/N: Whew, damn they taught JJ good lol she must have been paying attention in physical profiling 101...Well here you go, I know it's really late but I have been so busy with school and work, and I struggled really badly with this chapter...I want to thank you all for your alerts and comments. As this was my first story I really appreciate all the support, and I may write another story in the future.

Thank you, Biggs.


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